*sighs* I'm sick, i dunno why, just sick. Braiden and i are still talking, its hard, to move on. He is going to a party tonight, hes over me now, so i dont doubt that he will pick up. God...just saying that hurts.

I keep thinking, maybe if i was better, maybe if i was, easier on him, thinner, less of a pain. Maybe it wouldnt have ended.

Im crying again...its funny, i never thought iwould ever feel like this. SO alone, so down, so...invisable. At school im a slut, a whore, and these fucked up people hit on me, expect me to drop my pants for them. THe only person i want, i cant have. Im trying to stay strong, cope. GOd its so hard, im so exhaused, i wont get to talk to him tonight, so im going to sit on this computer like a fuckhead for the rest of the night. GOd i still love him, i still love him as much as i did when we were going out. I cant seem to turn it off.

Im not what he wants, not what he needs, *hangs head* god, i knew i was so messed up, i knew i was so fucked up. I have lost everything, everything, i cant seem to snap out of things. Im so down, i want to cut, to just...fear the tearing, but i wouldnt get anywhere, all i would get would be dissaproved looks. I know im not good enough for him, im not good enough for anyone. THis is all my fault, at least i could have been better, not such a bitch.

Im sorry, im sorry ive fucked up, im sorry im like this...god..im so sorry